I met my younger self for coffee today

She was 10 minutes late, and I was 15. She told me she wasn’t expecting anyone to show up. She asked me to order her a flat white, and I...

Lucy Amelia

Feb 182 min read

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I met my younger self for coffee today

She was 10 minutes late, and I was 15. She told me she wasn’t expecting anyone to show up. She asked me to order her a flat white, and I...

Feb 182 min read

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An Inspiration

“You inspire me every day!” What does it mean to be an inspiration? Am I an inspiration because I am still here? Am I an inspiration...

Jan 4, 20222 min read

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Depression (a triolet)

The world is dark but still, it spins, and there's a creature on my back crushing my chest and the wounds on my leg hold a comfortable...

Aug 12, 20211 min read

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Taken (short story)

It felt like he was staring straight into the depths of my soul. I’ve always hated prolonged eye contact but this was something else. It...

Jul 11, 20213 min read

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Red String

I often find that my mind wanders, and when it walks off it always seems to find its way to you.

May 19, 20192 min read

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What is your reason?

I think about my future a lot and always with an array of contrasting emotions towards it. On good days, I think about my children. I...

Mar 23, 20184 min read

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To My Future Children

To my future children, You are extraordinary. I haven't even met your other parent yet but I know how extraordinary you are. You make me...

Dec 19, 20173 min read

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Preconceptions

Everyday on the way to school I listen to Chris Evans on Radio 2. The other day Chris was interviewing a hairdresser, I can't exactly...

Dec 2, 20173 min read

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WELCOME ♡

Welcome to Memoirs and Maybe's, a personal blog where I share my creative writing, thoughts, and reflections. Here you will get a glimpse into the inner workings of my slightly chaotic, messy mind and get to know me a little better along the way. I hope that while here, you find yourself entertained, whether that be through joy, connection, or just a good story...

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CONNECT WITH ME

getting to know and love so many of you is the greatest honour of my life - i have no words for how grateful i am to have found a place here❤️‍🩹 #chronicillness #community #disability #disabilitycommunity #friendship

living proof that IT GETS BETTER❤️ sending love to everyone in that dark and lonely place rn❤️‍🩹 #recovery #mentalhealth #chronicillness #disability #itgetsbetter

this trend made me so emotional i feel like i want to write something following a similar pattern bc it's so beautiful and therapeutic🥲 #mentalhealth #recovery #neurodivergent #chronicillness

it hasn't been perfect or easy but i am grateful for all the happiness and healing that has happened this year. i'm grateful for all the experiences i have had that i couldn't have even imagined having 2 years ago. i'm grateful for all the wonderful people in my life who have surrounded me with love all year round. i'm grateful for all the ups and all the downs and the ability to find joy and beauty in the small things again. i'm grateful for the ability to finally understand myself, for answers and treatments and accommodations. and i am especially grateful for the mindset i am entering the new year with❤️ #newyear #2025 #healing #happiness #joy

for all the good days, the bad days and everything in between… i am blessed to still be here to see it all❤️ it really does get better… #suicidepreventionmonth

the things i would do to be healthy��🥲

#chronicillness #chronicillnessawareness #fnd #functionalneurologicaldisorder #neurologicaldisorder #ehlersdanlossyndrome #edsawarenessmonth #neurogenicbladder #crps #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #gastroparesis #oesophagealdysmotility #mcas #panspandas #panspandasawareness #lgbt #queer

fnd awareness month - my story🎗️

#fnd #fndawareness #fndawarenessmonth #neurologicaldisorder #nonepilepticattackdisorder #nonepilepticseizures #motortics #tics #recovery #positivity #disabled #chronicillnessawareness

Happy Neurodiversity Celebration Week!🌻

At some point i will make a more detailed post than this about everything but at the moment I am just extremely grateful for the chance to get to know myself.

I am thankful for all the people who have helped and supported me these past couple of years. I am grateful to those who noticed and actually said something. Those who have listened, believed me, and have given me the confidence to heal, understand and love myself.

It's a long complicated and difficult journey, but I'm getting there. I'm learning how my brain works for the first time in my life and so are all the people around me. It's refreshing and terrifying and overwhelming all at once, but I can slowly but surely feel my inner child letting out the breath they've been holding their entire life and that feels incredible.

#neurodivergent #latediagnosed #audhd #disability #sensoryprocessingdisorder #neurodiversity

international wheelchair day 2024👩🏼‍🦽

(apologies for being a day late)

#internationalwheelchairday #chronicillnessawareness #wheelchairuser #disabled #disabilitypride

a little snippet from my end of year ramble on tiktok but i think it says everything i wanted to say. i'm proud of you for being here, no matter what you did or didn't do, you made it and for that you are incredible. happy new year, i hope it's kind to you <33

there are so many things i want to say about this, about the journey to achieve this and the monumental mountains i've had to climb to get here but i'm going to save that for another post… for now i'm just going to say i did it.

finally and despite everything, i did what no one thought i would be able to do. i don't have the words to express how much this means to me, how healing this is but i wanted to share this moment with you lot because without you and your support i couldn't have made it here - so from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything❤️‍🩹

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) is a debilitating neurological disorder that affects a multitude of systems in the body, most significantly the nervous and immune systems.

This disorder is such a hard one to explain. I think to some extent people can grasp the idea of being in pain all the time, or throwing up all the time but chronic fatigue is not just tiredness. It's not just exhaustion. Unless you have experienced it… you won't understand.

On good days I feel like my body is made of lead. Standing up, showering and taking my meds is enough to warrant a nap. I can manage to work through the mist in my brain and can walk to my lectures despite my muscles resisting. I can appear healthy.

On bad days I can't open my eyes, can't sit up, can't wash or brush my teeth and can't stand the sound of my own breathing. My body hurts, my head feels like it is being split open and I feel like I have come down with multiple viruses at once. On bad days the most I can accomplish is curling into a ball with earplugs in and wait for the hell to end.

But for some people, that hell never ends. For people with severe ME and often moderate ME, that is their entire life and worse. For some people it's so bad that they can hardly breathe on their own. The fact that this disease can be so life limiting, so disabling and so deadly and yet there is so little research, so little treatment or understanding about it is outrageous. More needs to be done for all the #millionsmissing

(sorry this is so late ironically i'm currently in a me/cfs flare up and can't think straight)

#mecfs #meawarenessday #myalgicencephalomyelitis #myalgicencephalomyelitisawareness #chronicfatigue

i wanted to write an update but wasn't really sure what to say and didn't want to seem like i'm bragging since i know how many people are struggling but in short i'm doing really well atm. since getting help from new gastro, pots & pain specialists and being put on the right combination of meds things have improved for me significantly. i am able to eat again without v*miting, nausea or pain. my chronic pain has decreased a lot, my fatigue has reduced and my mobility has improved. i am able to walk again and rarely need to use my wheelchair or any kind of mobility aid. honestly it's amazing and i can't explain it but i do know that a shift in my mentality has helped me a lot.

a few months ago @abby.emmaa said to me that i needed to change my way of thinking from thinking i would never get better. she told me that that mindset would hold me back and that once i changed it, life would start to look very different. at the time i honestly wanted to tell her to piss off. i wasn't in a good place and didn't have the capacity to hear it but it never left my mind. i knew, deep down that she was right. that my hopelessness was contributing to the lack of progress i was making. when the new year hit i made a promise to myself that i was done just sitting around waiting for something to change. i was going to help myself in every way i could, even if i was scared, even if i didn't really want to. i was done waiting for other people to help me and i was done seeing my illnesses as a limitation. these past two months i have stuck to my promise and i have been so much happier. i have done more, seen more people and achieved more than i did the entirety of last year and it feels amazing.

i know everything isn't perfect. i know i'm still disabled, i know i will have flare ups and bad days and i know that won't change but i also know that i am so much more than my disabilities and capable of so much more than i once thought and you are too. it doesn't matter how big or small your achievements are, they are worth celebrating. i promise you, it can get better than wherever you are at - it won't be like this forever <3

#chronicillness #recovery #disabilitypride

when i started struggling with my health i found it absolutely devastating. i struggled with suicidal thoughts and tendencies for years. years and years i spent fighting my brain to stay alive and now suddenly it was like my body was giving up on me. this wasn't the life i tried to stay alive for. i found that grief really difficult. i also spent years feeling like a burden to my parents and those i loved. i have said it before but i only had about a year from one crisis to the next and i really struggle with the guilt that surrounds that, of feeling like a burden to those around me. of course they tell me i'm not but i can't help but feel the guilt.

living with chronic illnesses and mental illnesses creates a very weird little bubble. your mental health affects your physical health and vice versa. you need to leave the house and get fresh air, you need structure and days out to keep your mental health afloat but your chronic illness won't allow it. for some of us out mental illnesses have come as a result of our chronic illness, a side effect of years of neglect and traumatic experiences at the hands of medical professionals. somedays if it isn't one it's the other… and it's exhausting trying to fight both at once.

i spent a lot of time when i was severely mentally ill thinking i would never get better, that i needed to accept my life would be hard and miserable forever and there was nothing i could do about it. but things did get better… they changed, i got the right treatments and medications and found skills that worked for me and i did get better. i'm currently stuck in that rut with my physical health. feeling like i will never get better. i didn't even realise that's where i was until someone pointed it out to me. and what i think is important to realise is this is reality as it is right now but nothing is forever. nothing is permanent. you have no idea what tomorrow will hold and everyday is chance to start again. maybe you will never be cured, maybe things will never be how they used to be. but things will get better, somehow, they will. we just have to hold on and hope and believe… <3

#chronicillness #mentalhealth #recovery #disability

a reminder to everyone that you are worthy, you are alive and you are going to be ok - breathe and take it one day at a time🤎

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthrecovery #positivity

come a long way🫶 #mentalhealth #recovery

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